A Year Ago Today....

at around 9:00 am the phone rang. It was the call that changed our lives forever. It was the call that made us parents again....to an amazingly beautiful little girl. I can't sit here and describe the emotions that I felt at that moment because to be honest...there are no words that can describe that surreal moment. I got off the phone with my agency and called Kris...who was at work. "What do we DO," I asked him. Can I look at her pictures? Can I send them to you and we can look at them together? I can't TAKE it I want to see her! Almost a full hour passed with that e-mail full of pictures sitting unopened in my inbox. I cried, laughed, cried, and then laughed again...all in the excitement of the moment. Kris and I decided that we couldn't wait and we would open them...then call each other, instead of waiting until got home from work HOURS later to do it together. But it took me a good amount of time...staring at that e-mail...before I could finally bring myself to open it. I took a deep breath and opened that e-mail and within shear seconds my heart was stollen. Stollen by the precious child we call Mikayla, thousands of miles away. It was at that very moment that I fell in love with Mikayla. It didn't happen over time, or happen as I adjusted to the situation. No. It happened the instant I laid eyes on her. Her beautiful tiny body wrapped up in a pale yellow sleeper adorned by none other then a butterfly. It was as if God whispered in my ear at that very moment..."here she is...the child you have longed for and waited for. I picked her just for you and she is the reason why you were led down this path." I never looked back. Never.

The rest of that day was a flurry of excitement. Phone calls to all of our family, getting the pictures printed, getting the POA signed, certified and sent on it's way. It was a crazy friday. A friday that I will never forget. I can vivdly remember each detail of that day. I can remember showing Alec his new baby sister, I can remember his words as he decribed to me how beautiful she was, I can remember meeting Kris at work just a few hours later to the get the POA signed and notorized and the hug we shared...a hug that is shared by two people who just became parents again. And then...later that night...as Kris and I sat, staring at the three pictures that we had of our daughter...it hit us that she was not here but very, very far away and that the months that followed would be difficult.

For 7 months we waited for Mikayla to come home to us. And nearly 7 months to the day of her referral, on January 31st, 2007...we touched down on American soil.

Mikayla Faith~a year ago today you were born in our hearts. To us, today almost feels MORE like your birthday. Your big brother and your mommy and daddy waited for you...and then you were placed in our arms forever. We love you sweet princess...now and forever...you will always be our little baby girl!

WARNING: Crazy Weekend Ahead!

First of all...thanks for letting me vent yesterday. As I wrote back and said to the person that left the comment anonymously..."when you get married you have dreams and they typically don't include infertility. Letting go of your dreams (which in this case, the dream of a larger family) is difficult...and this one I am finding extremely difficult to let go of." Feeling the way that I feel doesn't mean for one for second that I don't appreciate or thank God for what I have..because I do..DAILY. I love my children, I ADORE my children and they are now and always will be top priority (along with you too honey(kris)) in my life. OK...enough about that. LOL.

Now...last night I was happily turning off all of the lights in the house when I hear laughter streaming out of the baby monitor. Yup...LAUGHTER..AT MIDNIGHT. So I head on up to the princess palace to see what is so "funny" at this late hour. Well... I find my child standing in her crib, looking at me like "let's play mommy!" No kidding. I am bewildered. Seriously...I am. I got her out of the crib....knowing there was NO WAY she was going back to bed and headed downstairs for a midnight session of "play." This child of mine played HARD for an HOUR AND A HALF until she started crashing and went back to bed. I took a picture of this midnight child, complete with wild bedhead. So I happily tuck her into the bed and head to the bathroom to wash my face when I hear ALEC up. He comes out of his room and wants TOAST! It is now 1:30 am and Alec and I head to the kitchen to make a midnight snack of toast because he is scared and needs to eat toast because that keeps his stuffed animals from looking at him. Seriously...this is what he said. GINA...where is that "monster spray" you keep promising. LOL. By the time we eat our midnight toast...what the heck...I had some too....we all went to bed at the lovely hour of 2:30 am.

NOW...this weekend is going to fun and crazy. Tomorrow my in-laws, their children, My BIL and SIL and their children are all coming up. The guys are heading off to golf and we are all headed up to Akron Zoo while they golf the afternoon away. I mean seriously...who would choose GOLF over a trip to the zoo? LOL. So off to see Lions, and Tigers, and Bears we go...although...come to think of it...they don't have any of those animals at the Akron Zoo. So I guess we are off to see Fish, and Bats, and a Jaguar.

Then on Sunday we are headed up to an INDIANS game with our kids and Joe, Gina, and Christian. WOOO HOOO. It's supposed to be a beautiful day for a game and I am excited. Should be fun! I will post pictures tomorrow night....have a great weekend everyone!

Tell Me I am Not Alone...

When we started this journey I was totally at peace with the fact that I would never have another "newborn" in my house for me to raise again. I knew when Mikayla came home that my "baby time" would be very limited and would go by fast...that we had missed so much. I was OK with this...I thought I was at least.

Now that Mikayla has turned one and is very much not an infant...I find myself longing for that newborn again. Maybe all these thoughts are being rehashed since my one of my best friends just gave birth to the most amazing and beautiful little boy whom she and her husband named Beckett. When I am out and about I am finding myself drawn to those infant carriers again making myself in a position in which I am able to "peer" inside and steal a quick glance at the baby. Is this feeling ever going to go away? And is it coming to light now that I know my baby isn't a baby at all anymore?

What is it with the whole baby thing anyway? And why do I still feel unsatisfied??? My life is crazy, about to get MORE crazy this fall when I head back to school to finish my degree, and I honestly don't see HOW a baby would ever even FIT into our future at this point. We had already planned years ago that we would be well done with having children at this point in our lives. My mom is reading this thinking I am insane because she is the first one I call when I am having a less then easy day around here. But I can't help it...I feel like I want another child. Maybe it's because I know I CAN'T have another child. Financially there is no way possible for us to adopt again. Period. But this little notion buried deep inside me is wondering if maybe, just maybe, I COULD get pregnant again. Oh why am I even LETTING myself think these thoughts!? Isn't the craziness around here enough for me? What am I THINKING!? I can't help it though, nor can I deny that this feeling is truly "there."

Kris and I don't talk openly very much as to why we could not have anymore children, although I know that some of you do KNOW the reason why. All I will say about it on a blog as public as this one is, is that the chance for us to have more children could be possible. I don't even know WHY I am writing about this...I don't. I guess I need to know I am not alone in feeling the way that I feel. And I think part of it is the finality of me going back to school in the fall, therefore eliminating the prospects of parenthood again. I cannot go to school and have a baby. I can't. I have to do my student teaching and a baby just doesn't fit too well with that plan. I am not even keen on leaving Mikayla with a sitter starting next fall. I have been a SAHM since Alec was one and was pretty much a SAHM before that anyway. I want to be home with my children as long as possible. I made it with Alec all the way until he starts school and with Mikayla....she will be 2 by the time she has to have a full-time sitter. But I have to graduate and start working in my field.

OK...I feel better just writing about it. Just getting it out. WHEW. I need to take a deep breath and go clean the crumbs, toys, bottles, and everything else that goes along with children right now.

Lazy Wednesday

Well the chaos of the past few weeks have eased up and we have had a pretty easy week so far. I have to admit I have been enjoying doing a whole bunch of nothing for a few days. LOL. Alec has come down with a cold so we haven't been able to do a whole lot because of that either. I can't believe it is already nearing the end of June. This summer is flying by waaaay too quickly! Before I know it I am going to be having Alec's 5th birthday in August and heading back to school to finish up my degree. I hate how the the summer seems to fly and the winter just drags on forever and ever.

Anyway...just wanted to post some pictures of the kids. The t-ball pictures of Alec are from last week (he was sick today for his game but it was cancelled anyway due to the storms here). The pictures of Mikayla are from today:-) She has learned how to pull herself up and stand along things now. Adorable!

He is always a little shy when we first get there:-)

Ready to catch some balls!

Look how BIG he has gotten. He looks so tall in this picture!

A BIG smile for my mommy!

HAH! Alec you always make me laugh and do crazy faces!

OK...Alec left the room:-)

MOMMY!!! Are you here to get me OUT of this thing!?

Ummm....hello! I want OUT!

HAHAHA....there is my brother again!

Mom...do you know how silly my brother is?

Look at those pretty eyes!

Yup....she is a cutie!

MIKAYLA'S PARTY

Today was an incredible day! We celebrated Mikayla's First Birthday in princess style at Hoover Park in North Canton. There were so many friends and family at the party and it was just an amazing day!!! I wish I had taken the time to get pictures of EVERYONE at the party...but I was so busy all day long:-)

For not getting a nap, Mikayla did so well! She is "iffy" still around big groups of people but she was a good little birthday princess today! She received so many wonderful gifts from our family and friends....they are literally covering the entire living room. This sweet child is so loved!!

Thank you to everyone who attended...each and every one of you holds a special place in our hearts and we are so glad that you were there to celebrate this big occasion with us!

The party room

This was the mantle I decorated and put Mikayla's autograph picture up on

Mikayla's milk-free cake....LOL...gotta love Milk Allergies!

The Party Cake!

Cake Table

Daddy and Mikayla...taken right after she made her grand entrance to her party!

Mommy's Little Girl!

I love this picture...the way my mom and her are looking at each other.

Mikayla's future boyfriend...Christian!

Mommy and Kalya again:-)

Guat-a-families!!!

Chris, NiCole, and Izzy, Kris, Me, and Mikayla, Joe, Gina, and Christian

Family Picture! This is the ONLY picture I have with Alec...he was OFF all DAY playing with all his friends that came to the party:-)

Daddy, Mommy, and a Mikayla-Bug that wants DOWN!

Higher daddy, HIGHER!

Eating grass again!

Alec's Girlfriend Haylee!

Sweet Izzy who was looking SO adorable today!

What a FACE!

Aunt Brandy and Mikayla playing with the balloons.

Mikayla LOVES this Baby Einstein rocking toy! Thanks Aunt Brandy and Uncle Steve!

GIFT TIME!

Her sweet Build-a-Bear from her friend Izzy! A PRINCESS:-)

CAKE TIME!!!!

Oooooooh Yaaaaaah!

This is GREAT mom...can I do this more often??

Grandma with Mikayla

My Aunt Chris, my mom, my Aunt Zell, and Mikayla. They are all sisters.

Another Mommy and Me picture

And another...

I had to change her....I wonder why?? This was right before we went home...Aunt Zell was making her laugh!

Wow everyone...thank you SO much for coming to my party...I love you all and I had a great time!

Agency Picnic and STEVE AND BRANDY ARE HERE!

What a day...and a WONDERFUL one at that! I have to try to make this quick because I have so much to get ready for tomorrow but I wanted to get these pictures up tonight. Today we went to the BBAS agency picnic in Medina and had a GREAT time. We got to meet up with some of our friends and that was awesome! Plus it was wonderful to see our attorney again, because we adore her and think she is the greatest, and also to get to see Veronica, who took good care of us while we in Guatemala, who also works for our agency. The picnic was so wonderful because it's fabulous to see all the babies at home and happy with their families. It just doesn't get any better then that! Mikayla got a certificate for being a Guatemalan baby who came home recently:-) I just love my children so much...do I ever say that? LOL. It was a GREAT time and we are so, so glad that we went.

The next best part of the day is that Steve, Brandy and their family flew in today from CALIFORNIA. I am so excited that they are here and Brandy has been DYING to get her hands on Mikayla....umm....since she was BORN I think. And I have to say, Mikayla doesn't go to many people, but she LOVED her Aunt Brandy and they played together for a loooooong time. She also let her Aunt Brandy hold her for a long time without getting upset and wanting Kris or me. Which was awesome and made me so happy for Brandy because I know she wanted that to happen SO badly.

Alec had Tyler played for hours. It was the sweetest thing but also kind of sad because I know Alec is going to miss Tyler so much. I just wish they lived closer so we could get together like we did today more often because it was so much fun. I know they were tired, they had a LONG day, but to be together was so cool and the kids just had a blast together.

Well I have to get going because I have to stuff to get ready for the BIG FIRST BIRTHDAY PARTY TOMORROW!

I promise.....pictures WILL be posted tomorrow evening...even if I get them up a little late they WILL be here.. And I also promise that this week, once everything settles down, I WILL catch up on everyone's blogs.

Isabella and Mikayla

Alec having WAY too much fun!

ELIANA!!! Look how big she has gotten! She is such a doll:-)

Daddy and Kayla-Bug

Trying to get some shade!

Kris, Alec, Sharon (our attorney), Mikayla, Me, and Veronica.

This picture turned out BLURRY GRRRR but it is the only one I have and I wanted to post it!

AUNT BRANDY AND MIKAYLA!!!

Jaelyn in the swing...checking out the go-kart!

Alec concentrating HARD on driving a good race!

PICTURE POSE....COUSINS!!!!!!!