So who were you in high school...or even now? What was your "label?" Were you popular, unpopular, the cheerleader, the basketball star, the math whiz, the band player...who were you? And more importantly....did you LIKE who you were? Did you like your "label?" I did not like mine. Why? Because I don't like labels. I don't like the division of people because I think it is often incorrect and and when it is correct it often judged against. Why are we a people that like to label everything in life? To this day we still are labeled. We are conservative, liberal, housewife, single, married, democrat, republican, and the list goes on and on. Why are we not just PEOPLE!? What is wrong with me being just Mindy and you being just YOU?
On the forum, and God love the forum because I am an avid member, we refer to our children as bio children and adopted children or our Guatlings or whatever sweet name that people have thought up. I have done the same thing. You have probably done the same thing. But now I have been thinking. Why do we do this? Aren't they both just simply our children? Our children are our CHILDREN.
So now lets talk about Mikayla's label. She is adopted. That is her label. People refer to it all the time. Our adopted child. Alec on the otherhand has become our "only biological child." I have a problem with this. And you can disagree with me if you want...I don't mind ONE bit. But we are not raising Mikayla as our adopted child. I don't want her labled her entire life as adopted or different. Yes, I agree 100% that adoption should be celebrated and trust me...we celebrate it!!! We adore her young birthmother who gave to us the ultimate gift. It has nothing to do with "hiding" the truth or "ignoring" the truth and everything to do with my daughter growing up with a label. I don't want Mikayla to grow up feeling different then Alec. I want her to grow up and feel loved and cherished and secure and OUR CHILD. Not our ADOPTED child. Just simply our child. Period. Many disagree with this philosphy but it is the path that Kris and I have decided to follow. Will Mikayla know she was adopted. Yes of course. Is it something that we want her reminded of on a regular basis. No...it is not. She is not dark or light, she is not this or that....she is our baby. OUR BABY. And she will grow up in an environment that does not focus on her differences but rather how she is a loved, adored member of our family. I hope this all makes sense. She will know where she came from and she of course will know she is adopted. But we don't want the label "adopted" on her forehead the rest of her life.
Thank God for adoption because it allows children to become a part of families that love and adore them. Thank God for adoption because it allows parents to become PARENTS. Thank God for Guatemala because it is the birthplace of our daughter. But most importantly thank God for Mikayla Faith...who is our daughter...nothing more and nothing less.
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6 comments:
I totally agree with you, I know Carson is adopted as does everyone important, but to look at him a stranger would never know he wasn't ours, and it totally agravates me when he is introduced as Carson, they adopted him from Guatemala.
We don't hide the fact but everyone in the world doesn't need to know, for the same reasons as you stated, he doesn't need to be labeled that forever.
He will know that he was adopted but i don't want him to feel different all the time because of it.
we love our children, no matter what and that is what is important
You have been spot on this week, are you reading my mind, lol
I couldn't agree more, Mindy. We adopted our first daughter, Kari, and I never enter that into a conversation or list her as adopted. She is my kid.
Here is what I tell people. Kari IS not adopted; she WAS adopted. Adopting is a legal process. Once it is complete, she IS your kid, plain and simple. This may sound gross, and you can delete my comment if it offends you/anyone, but you don't hear people saying, "This is my vaginally birthed son and this is my C-section daughter." A birth, like an adoption, takes place at one little moment in time. Once it's over, they're yours. Nobody goes around celebrating a c-section or a water birth, do they? So why all the fuss over an adoption? To fuss over it is to treat that child as "other" and "separate", and nobody wants to feel that way. We talk about adoption very regularly in our home, including much homage to the birthmother and birth country, but no hoopla or fuss. To me, that's just weird.
The thing I keep trying to remember is that Alex WAS adopted. Which is just slightly different than saying that he IS adopted. Adoption defines how he entered our family, not what he is. (I hope that's making sense) This is the area that I stress about the most - I want to make sure that he isn't ashamed of being adopted, but yet I don't want it to be all consuming.
Great comments girls. I love them. This was hard post to write for the fear of making people mad...but that's OK and I had to put this out there because this is how I feel. I really like the thing you said Kim about how yo want to make he doesn't feel ashamed of being adopted but you don't want it to be consuming either. I agree 100%. It is a very fine line I think and it will take work trying to find the perfect balance at times.
Mindy, We are raising Maya Grace and Bryan in the exact manner you are describing. They are our children and I have so many of the same feelings, trust me. Once again, please come be my neighbor?? I think we have a lot in common!
I hear so much and I know most are well intended, but I totally GET you!
Love, Kerry
This is YOUR blog - never worry about what other people think. For every wierdo you bother - there are 100's you have touched in a positive way. There are some Coo-coos in blog world - we all know it. You have to consider the source every time:)
This is one of the best posts I have ever read. you are right. Thanks for bringing this up. We all need to be willing to bring subjects up that are not just Fun and cute!!!!!!!
The bible says iron sharpens iron - not fluff sharpens fluff:)
I love your blog and you have a real gift with the written word. Never be afraid to type what is on your heart. You have a gift - you will touch many lives because of it. Never hold back and know that you have touched my heart more than once.
Thank you
Julia:)
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